New Years Resolutions People Should Actually Make

As the new year begins, people around the world have made their annual resolutions: promises to themselves that during the new year they will do things better. Popular resolutions involve things like losing weight and only eating lettuce for the foreseeable future or using your time better and never getting on Facebook again. But I recently heard that only 8% of people (or something) keep their resolutions, and chances are, most people will have broken their resolutions by the end of this week. I think that is primarily because people make resolutions that are unrealistic and ridiculous.

Sure, for the first few weeks you can make your best effort but after awhile your resolve to lose weight will slip in the face of a delicious slice of cheesecake or a fresh bag of cheetos. And it might be easy to avoid Facebook with the excitement of the holidays upon you, but pretty soon you'll be stuck bored at a stoplight or waiting in line at the store, and what else are you going to do during those spare 2 minutes but update your status and virtually creep on your 400 closest friends?

And so, my dear readers, that is when I offer you some alternative resolutions. Put aside the traditional, overachieving goals, and instead take on some things that you can really do, and some things that, in the end, will make this world a better place.

1. Ignore the serving size on packages of food

Everything we eat has that nagging little number on the back that tells you how much you should eat. A half a cup of pasta or 2 tablespoons of cheese dip. There is so much that is wrong with the idea of the serving size. For one, who has a mental image of how much a half a cup or 2 tablespoons is? I would imagine not many people do. Second, how dare some corporate company tell me how many potato chips or how many oreos I should eat?! They don't know me. They don't know how hungry or bored I am at that point. So, this year I vow to ignore the serving size and eat what I want, when I want.

2. Take more selfies

What social media- and really ALL- of the internet needs right now is more spontaneous snapshots OF you taken BY you. Because when you think you're looking good, the world deserves to see you too. Whether it's during a car ride, while sitting in class, or on your way to the dentist, don't be afraid to share your selfie with the world. And please, try to post some song lyrics as a caption to make it more poignant. Or, if you still feel pathetic and desperate posting pictures of yourself, you can always disguise it with a clever caption like, "Ooh! Loving this cold weather!" or "About to bake cookies!" or "Blonde hair, don't care!" (whatever that means…).

3. Devote more time to napping

I don't care what people say, everyone can appreciate a good nap. When timed right and done instead of something that actually needs to be accomplished, the nap can be a beautiful and valuable activity. So get on it, people, and sleep more in this coming year. You'll be happier, and more well-rested.

4. Substitute dessert for real meals on a regular basis

Who needs actual food when you can survive on cake, cookies, ice cream and pie?! Trust me, you will totally feel full after eating a meal made solely of dessert and you'll be happier too.

5. Wear clothes that feel as much like pajamas as possible

Why dress in clothes to impress other people when you can dress in clothes that make you ready for a nap at any minute?! Not only will this make resolution number three easier to accomplish, but you will also be a much more relaxed and happy person. If the only reason you put on real pants is to impress your friends, give it up! Your friends will probably admire your willpower to do what's comfortable (at least to your face).

6. Get distracted on the internet more often

The internet is both the procrastinator's best friend and worst nightmare. Nothing else in the history of time has allowed you to spend hours doing meaningless and time-wasting activities like viewing pictures of cats and stalking your ex-boyfriend while feeling entertained, informed, and productive simultaneously. So give into your urge to spend the next 2 hours viewing buzzfeed articles that help you to relate to the rest of fat, lazy, and over-privileged Americans by making this a resolution.

These are just a few suggestions to inspire you to live your life to the fullest and make resolutions that really can be followed. I myself have stuck to nearly all of these so far this year, and so I have faith that you can too!

Best of luck with your own resolutions,

Megan

The Truth Behind Healthy Food

It is no secret to anyone who knows me that I am no health nut. I love eating, especially if there's a good trans fat present into my meal. Donuts are a staple to my diet, and I've determined that though a camera adds 10 pounds, a steady diet of cheetos adds 15. Much like a newborn infant, in order to keep me happy and stable, I realistically need a snack every 1-2 hours. So, the recent health craze to eat sugar-free, food dye-free, gluten-free, preservative-free and taste-free does not sit so well with me or my "cheeseburger a day keeps the doctor away" philosophy. Now, I understand that for many it is a necessary evil to cut out certain things from your diet, and I am sure (by some miracle) people can be convinced that their healthier options taste better, but I am here to tell you to WAKE UP PEOPLE. Healthy food does make you feel better, I will absolutely concede to that, but you cannot keep living the lie that it tastes better. This is what healthy food actually is:

Tea:

Now, I actually like drinking tea, and I think it is almost a necessary staple to being a teacher, but as one of my dear friends says, tea is really just some water with plants in it. And most of the time, that is exactly what it tastes like.

Lettuce:

I also enjoy an occasional salad as well, but the main staple of a typical salad is lettuce, which as we all know is just leaves that someone washed and put in the refrigerated section at the grocery store. Seriously, lettuce has no taste. Or nutritional value. So it's pretty much like eating crunchy green nothing.

Skim Milk:

There is no possible way that skim milk is actually milk. It does not taste like milk, it does not have the texture of milk, it is just water that someone put white food dye in and disguised as ridiculously overpriced milk. Stop living the lie, save yourself some money, and just put water on your Special K next time if it is really so important to you.

Celery:

For healthy people, celery is a delicious and crunchy snack. For people like me, celery is just the vehicle to get as much chocolate sauce or creamy peanut butter to my mouth as humanly possible. I would consider it physically painful to eat celery by itself. First of all, it just tastes awful. There is no way to delude yourself into thinking it's delicious. Second of all, by the time you are finally done chewing a piece of celery, you have actually burned more calories than you've consumed. That's just wrong.

Leeks:

I'm not gonna lie, I actually had to google these to determine what they actually were, but they look like a cross between onion and garlic, so these babies are no kissing food! Honestly, regardless of your current make out status, I wouldn't eat them. A food that has as weird of a name as "leek" is not asking to be consumed, trust me.

Kale:

Kale is just seaweed with a fancy name. Do we really want to be eating the weed of the sea? I'll leave this rhetorical question to speak for itself.

Mushrooms:

I know… mushrooms taste good, but in reality they are a fungus. Do you want to be eating a fungus? Normally people take medication to get rid of those, not spend exorbitant amounts of money to have pigs locate them! The logic just isn't there, folks.

Raisins:

Raisins are like the horrible, old, wrinkly grandma of the grape world. Except they lack all of the wisdom, fun stories, delicious cookies, and penchant for buying you things that actual grandmas have. So you're left with all of the gross and none of the fun. Yum.

Cauliflower:

The first time I ever had cauliflower I told my mom that it tasted like freezer-burned broccoli. And really, it does. Plus it is white, which takes away all of the personality that broccoli might have. So cauliflower is, in essence, the grosser, uglier version of broccoli. That's a bleak future.

Okra:

I have legitimately no idea what this is. But, it looks sortof like a cross between a pepper and a green bean. However, I have been informed that it tastes unfortunate. And bitter. And the internet tells me it's popular for its "mucilaginous" green pods. Mucilaginous?! That sounds like something you need a decongestant for. Ew.  And despite the fact it rhymes with Oprah, it has nothing in common with the powerful African American super-celebrity formerly based out of Chicago. So blah.

Quinoa:

Pronounced "keen-wah" I think this is a grain, but it looks like tiny fish eggs that have gone bad. So if that's not a promising description, I don't know what is. My school cafeteria serves this a lot, and so that's not promising either. I cannot offer personal experience eating this, because I have never been brave enough, but neither have the borderline anorexic girls in front of me in the cafeteria lines, so that is surely not promising.

This list is really only scraping the surface of revealing the ugly truth behind healthy foods. I've yet to touch on some of the classic rejects like Brussels sprouts or prunes, and I've strategically steered clear of popular favorites like Greek yogurt and hummus. But despite my abbreviated list, it is clear that healthy foods are just disguising themselves as something edible so that skinny people can feel better about their culinary decisions. Just say no, people. And eat some cheetos instead.

Have you seen behind the disguises of any other healthy foods? Share them in the comments!

Megan

How to seduce a man: An awkward girl's guide

After my posts about being single, I feel it's only fair for me to offer some advice to all you single ladies about how to alter that state of singleness and get the man of your dreams. We’ve all seen how I rolled in my awkward years after reading this post, so it can come as no surprise to you that my experience with men on a romantic level was virtually non-existent until I reached the age of eighteen. That's not to say I didn't nurse some pretty hard core crushes prior to my foray into the dating world, so that may have colored my opinions and advice when it comes to "seducing" men, but I'll leave that to you, my loyal fan base, to decide for yourselves.

Step One: Acquire Your Target

Before you do anything else, you need to find that man that makes your heart all aflutter with little love butterflies, or whatever that means. It's best if you choose a guy that has no clue you even exist on the planet, especially if he is seriously popular and/or more attractive than you. The more unattainable the better, and the less you know about him, the better. So what if you only saw him that one time waiting in line to pay for your cheetos? So what if the only time you ever see him is when you creep on him from behind the library shelves? This will just make your conquest all the more satisfying in the end.

Step Two: Gather Intel

After you've found your man, make sure you learn everything you possibly can about him. Begin with his Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and work your way from there. Don't actually friend request or follow him! God forbid he know that you exist before the time is right. You want to make sure that you are intimately acquainted with every small detail of his life before he realizes that you are a person. That way, upon your first encounter you will be able to ask creepy and overly detailed questions while he is just barely learning your name. You can say, "So, how's your brother doing in 11th grade? Is he still struggling in Calculus?" He can say, "What's your name again?" You can respond, "Your mother's wedding dress was gorgeous, do you think she still has it?" and he can answer "So do we go to the same school?" Perfection. But let's not get hasty and rush to the first meeting yet… we have several steps to go before that.

Step Three: Surveillance

After you have used social media, college records, and the social security database to determine as much as possible about your beloved (is it too soon to call him this? Probably not, after all you know more about him than most young married couples know about each other…) you should begin to observe him from a distance. Anyone worth their salt at this point will know his entire waking schedule, so this should be easy. Make sure to keep your distance, and keep from being seen. Hiding behind pillars, under benches and in bushes to avoid being seen is not too far out of the line of duty. Spend a good portion of each day observing him like this, and soon you'll be ready to make contact. Some people might call this "stalking" but I think they're overreacting. You are just being thorough, my dear, and there is no harm in that (and that is what you should tell law enforcement, should it ever come to that).

Step Four: Making Initial Contact

At this point, you should be ready to make direct contact with the target. You will have a good grasp on his hobbies, lifestyle habits, and daily routine so it should be a breeze to carefully plan your first meeting. No gesture is too outrageous at this point, after all, this is the man of your dreams! Make yourself pretty girl! Is wearing your prom dress going too far? Probably not! Is dressing up like his favorite TV show/book/movie character too much of a commitment? Not for true love! Throwing (large enough that we will wake up in a panic) rocks at his window in the middle of the night? Arriving at his dorm room with a huge stereo on your shoulder playing his favorite band? Completely normal. Totally realistic. You need to make this count, because trust me, after this initial meeting he will not be able to forget you.

Step Five: Attaining Regular Contact

If all goes well, after your first meeting, your man will not be able to stop thinking about you. But if you're worried that he might, you can always ensure that you will be constantly in this thoughts through frequent text messages (phone numbers are public record: that is fair game!), emails, long personalized poems in his mailbox, etc. The more frequent the better, don't let him forget you! You have worked for this, don't give up now! If he seems frustrated by your endeavors, don't be discouraged, he is just maintaining an air of manliness to keep you on your toes. Be relentless, be intentional, and soon he will fall for you too.

So there you have it ladies. A foolproof way to seduce a man. Don't thank me when this works successfully for you, it is my duty as a fellow female to help those in need. And gentlemen, if you're reading this, feel free to apply these same tactics! Women love a desperate man… it makes them feel desirable, and it is NOT AT ALL creepy. Conventional ways of pursuing the opposite sex are overused and overrated, this way is both stunning and unique. So have at it people, and I'll be expecting a wedding invitation as a thank you.

Megan

**Disclaimer** I am not in any way responsible for the results of your encounters with the opposite sex should you follow these instructions. By reading this, you agree to release me from liabilities following hereafter from your actions that may or may not have been directly influenced through this particular blog post. 

Five Things I Can Do Because I Am Single

So surprisingly, the reaction to my blog post about reasons why I am single was universally positive. (Although I'm not sure what my cats thought, they refused to comment…) I even received multiple date offers nationwide from people I have never met, so that is delightful. Or creepy, considering the only things they know about me are that I may have a cocaine addiction and really love cats. But regardless, I find I need to clarify. Because this post also brought on the sympathy train of people who are like, "Oh Megan, don't stress out, you're wonderful, I am sure God has a man just for you who is rich and handsome and finds those middle school pics of you to be super sexy!" However, that wasn't the point of my last post. I mean sure, it would be nice to have someone who always tells me I'm beautiful, and texts me goodmorning every morning when they wake up, and who cuddles with me to keep me warm (I'm obviously too good to use jackets like the rest of the human race) but there are so many fabulous things I can do because I am single. And so that is what I offer you today, just a taste of some of the great things I can do because I'm single.

1. Bum clothes. And hair. And make up.

If there is a day, week, month, or semester you don't feel like looking your best, you don't have to worry about it! Living the single life means that you can dress in stretchy pants and t-shirts every day, that you can "forget" to run a brush through your hair, and that the eye liner can stay in the corner gathering dust indefinitely. With no man to impress, some days I look like the equivalent of a sleep-deprived monkey in yoga pants. But that is okay, because it means (at least for me) more sleep and more comfort. So to all you girls riding solo, remember it is cool to live the bum life.

2. Netflix Marathons

On the weekends while other people are out having fun with their significant other, I usually find myself alone with a hankering to watch an episode (or 12) of some quality TV programming. Without a boyfriend, I am free to do this all I want. Netflix and I really have an emotional connection, and I love how it just keeps playing the episodes automatically without me having to click on anything. It is a lazy person's dream. Except when you've watched five or six episodes and that obnoxious, judgmental little gray box pops up and asks you if you're still watching. I'm like: "RUDE NETFLIX! You don't know my life. Maybe I do want to watch 45 consecutive episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress" or 12 solid hours of How I Met Your Mother, don't judge me."

3. I can eat Cheetos as much as I want, whenever I want.

I don't know why this is something exclusively single people can do, but if you didn't think it was gonna make my list, clearly you don't know me at all.

4. Look at cute boys

As a single girl, I have no shame or guilt in checking out attractive men, and then subsequently finding out their full name and then extensively Facebook stalking them. At which point I will be able to tell you their age, college, major, place of employment, past dating history, blood type, closest friends, and what they might be doing on any given Tuesday at 6 o' clock. (That's right, my Facebook stalking skills are incredibly renowned. If the whole elementary school teacher doesn't work out, I am pretty sure the CIA or FBI would be willing to take me on as a resident stalker.)

5. Selfie profile pictures

No need to include a man in my pics! Whenever I feel the urge to snap a good picture of myself, I am ready. In the car, while doing homework, on the way to the elementary school to teach a literacy lesson (see my current twitter profile picture) I am ready. I can re-take the picture 16 times to make sure the lighting is right, and my double chin is hidden, and my hair is perfectly positioned to make my nose look smaller and my eyes look bigger. This is significantly harder to do with a man because in general they don't care what pictures of them look like. In fact, if you look at most of the guys you know on Facebook, their profile picture is probably something that a girl would have hurried to untag herself in two minutes after it was posted. Chances are they are covered in dirt, making a ridiculous face, or wearing some kind of strange costume. Being single eliminates the need to include your man in your picture. So single ladies, snap those selfies, and maybe number 14 will be the one.

This is not an exhaustive list, but rather just a taste of the complete and utter joy of being single. Of course I don't mean that people in relationships can't do the things on this list. I just like to think its easier/makes more sense for single people to do them, thus helping me to justify my unhealthy consumption of cheetos and Netflix marathons.

What kinds of things can you do because you're single? Please post them in the comments. Then I will feel less lame.

Megan

Seven Reasons I'm Probably Single

Recently people (i.e. my mom and cat, really if I mention "people" on here, you as the reader can just assume that is who I mean) keep asking me how me, the wonderful, fabulous, Megan could possibly be single. And at first, I was confounded. I mean, honestly, I consider myself pretty normal, relatively humorous, and not altogether hideous. But then… I really considered things.

1. When in public I often hum to myself. That goes for pretty much any time I'm not directly speaking to humans. In line waiting for food in the cafeteria, on the way to classes, in the car, etc. I am sure it only adds to the crazy vibe I give off. Today I gave a tour and I caught myself humming as we walked from one building to another. I apologized to the prospective students and their families, and they said it was fine, I was just "very bubbly and energetic" but there is no way they did not suspect that I was in possession of a one-way ticket to crazy town.

2. I am a big ball of awkward. Not only do I have this weird hand shaking problem (Don't worry I looked it up on Web MD and it's either low blood sugar or cocaine abuse, so that's still a toss up.) BUT I also have no ability to make small talk. People ask me about the weather and I'm like, yeah so sunny right, but what are your eschatological views? Oops.

3. And for some reason when I tell stories about my life they always end in awkward and embarrassing reveals about things people probably don't want to know about me. One time a guy asked me about why I chose the college I was attending and it ended with me telling him all of the reasons having a big butt comes in handy in every day life. How? Good question.

4. My main hobbies include eating and napping. The word cheetos is in my everyday vocabulary and I just informed a large group of people a few days ago that my life motto is "You can never have too many cookies." Forget, "Dream Big" or "With God, all things are possible." I thought it was necessary to inform a crowd that my LIFE motto revolved around cookies. My most-used twitter hashtag is "#fattyproblems," and rightly so. I measure time by "how long until I can eat again" and sometimes I attend social events purely for the food. I am actually justa giant sloth with a large vocabulary and the tendency to be overly sarcastic.

5. All of the guys I have ever been close with knew me when I looked like this:

   

   Between the hair and the lips, I'm surprised I didn't have
   to beat off the boys with a baseball bat.

   
   

   

   My awkward years were actually an awkward decade,
   and this was smack dab in the middle of it.

   
   

   

   Seriously. I just can't even...

6. My favorite sport is marathon TV watching. And I am really good at it.

7. I am actually a cat lady in training. Every time I see a picture of a cat I ooh and ahh and get this overwhelming desire to share it with someone. I have my cats listed in my phone contacts. And I actually refer to them as members of the family. Any day now I will be co-hosting birthday parties for strays in the neighborhood. It is just a sign of things to come, and I think men can sense it.

There are probably like 23 other reasons that could make this list, but I'm still trying to keep myself marketable. I mean, who knows, there could be a man out there who is just dying to date an awkward, cat-obsessed, cheeto-loving, possible-cocaine-abusing, spontaneous hummer. And if so, well you know where to find me.

Megan

Confessions of a Grammar Snob

1. I Google words to make sure I am spelling them right/using them in the correct context and syntax at least once a week

2. Sometimes I scroll through Facebook or Twitter not to read people's statuses, but to troll for grammar errors- and then promptly judge those who post them.

3. I said the sentence, "He's very handsome, but I couldn't marry him- his grasp of homonyms and homophones is practically non-existent!" just last week

4. In high school I purchased a $20 T-shirt that said, "To Infinitives and Beyond!" with a Grammar superhero on it and wore it to school on the only dress-down (uniform optional) day we had all year. (And I wonder why I was single in high school… honestly.)

5. Every time I see a misplaced apostrophe, turning something possessive that should not be, I lose a year off my life. And based on the current trend of apostrophe use in America, it looks like I only have 3-4 years left at this point.

6. The other day when I walked past Victoria's Secret I couldn't focus on the fact I was supposed to be criticizing the scantily clad women, I was too busy criticizing the sign that said "You've never seen body's like this" (There goes another year of my life, thanks to an apostrophe crisis)

7. I actually laugh at pictures like this: 
   
8. The comma is not just meaningless punctuation for me, the comma is my friend. I love them almost as much as I love Cheetos. Okay maybe that's a bit of hyperbole. But I do like commas. I even wrote a lengthy, satirical poem about them.
9. I know what hyperbole means. And I use it often, both the word and the figure of speech.
10. I subscribe to the Grammar Girl podcast, I have liked her Facebook page and followed her on Twitter, and I own multiple books she has written.
11.  When you use the word "literal" it makes me question your very existence… Did you literally die? Is this literally the worst thing ever? Are cheetos literally the only food you eat? There are other ways to exercise your powers of hyperbole. Consider them.
12. I've actually blocked people on Facebook, not because they were incredibly rude or annoying, but because their horribly misspelled, grammatically atrocious stream-of-consciousness statuses were raising my blood pressure. 
13. Last week I doodled "I love Strunk and White" all over my Mod Civ notes in class after my professor briefly mentioned Elements of Style. This is real life people. (Forget being single in high school… now I know why I'm STILL single…)
14. Every time I see an error in any sort of publication my cruel little heart skips a beat as I congratulate myself for catching the mistake and then I subsequently judge the publisher for such an oversight.
15. This picture is a fair representation of my life: 
    

Is there anything that you are especially pedantic about? Leave it in the comments! However, be warned, I'll be checking your grammar! 

Eight Profile Pictures You Should Be Ashamed Of

It's been a while since I've blogged, but I have a bit of writer's block. I just haven't been inspired by anything recently that would generate a post worthy of this website. But I'd hate to see my large fan club (i.e. my mother and cat) disappointed, so I pulled together another fabulous post about social media, because honestly at this point it's what I spend the better part of my waking hours indulging in. Forgive me if I repeat statements previously addressed in my other post, How to Use (the) Facebook: A Guide, but I just wanted to expand a little on the art of the profile picture for those who were unclear before.

As I may have mentioned, your Facebook profile picture is the first impression you make on people when they see your Facebook. It appears in little square icon form next to every post, every like, every comment you make. Your profile picture is basically your brand, and as such it is important that it is representative of the kind of image you hope to present to the world. And when your grandma, boss, best friend, and ex look at your profile picture, they should not be embarrassed, confused or alarmed, to say the least.

The following eight examples are really just a few of the profile picture mistakes I have seen in my four years on Facebook, but they are a good jumping off point to help you to make the right choice when it comes to your own profile picture.

I've included pictures in this post as well, because like they say, a picture can say a thousand words, and while I know I am capable of it, I feel that no one (even my mom or my cat) wants to read 10,000 words from me.

1. ANY picture where you're making the "duck face." Seriously, everyone knows what I'm talking about. It's like the classic middle school girl pose where you bug out your eyes and purse your lips together. Bonus points if you also make a peace sign with your fingers. I hear that the duck community is really supportive of all new age movements, so your picture will be a totally genuine representation of their kind.

Ducks everywhere are falling in love right now. But is that really your target audience?

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: Have you ever really admired anyone else's duck photo? Probably not. Is the duck face a face that you actually ever make in everyday life? Hopefully not. Is it ever attractive to look like any sort of avian creature? Definitely not.

2. A weird, artsy picture of yourself with 4 filters on it. You may scoff, but I've actually seen this done entirely too many times. Unless you really are an art major, just say no to the crooked picture of your ear blurred with a bluish light on it.

My mascara looks good, but that's about it. Because I am GREEN.

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: While I am staring at your ear trying to guess what the heck it even is, I am not thinking that this is a good representation of you. No one that looks at this thinks you're artistic or edgy- they just think you are confused.

3. A seductive picture of yourself "disguised" as an innocent profile picture. Guess what? No one is fooled. Writing "Happy Easter!" on that picture of you bending over and showing us what your momma gave you does not make me think of the celebration of Jesus' resurrection from the dead to save us from eternal damnation. It makes me think you are slightly desperate. And my roommate and I will definitely refer to you as "Easter Boobs" from this day forward. (True Story) The same goes for a picture of you standing with your shirt pulled up a little to reveal your side.

A proper caption to this would be, "Going to Work Out!" But NO.

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: I don't think that this picture is having the desired effect you were hoping for. Girls are just staring at it shaking their heads, and if you are getting attention from boys, it is not the right kind of attention. I am doubting that they like this picture for your personality, if you know what I mean... Keep it classy ladies.

4. A picture not of yourself. It's called FACEbook. FACE. That means a picture of your face. Or at least your body. Or at least you in some form. I understand the occasional random picture of your cat. Or your child (especially if it's cute, and you're old- everyone wants to see the kid anyways) If you are too ugly to have a half decent picture of yourself, then either severely photoshop one OR just get off of Facebook altogether. Sorry if this is harsh, but when I look at your profile picture and it's a tiger or a bag of cheetos, I am so confused.

I am not a tiger.

Or Cheetos. 

This is much better. Maybe distressing and not socially acceptable, but at least I'm in it.

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: You're not a tiger. Or cheetos. Enough said.

5. A group picture of you and 30 other people. That is what a cover photo is for. This is especially difficult when Facebook stalkers like myself are creeping, attempting to figure out which person is you in a tiny square of 35 faces. Help out a creeper, choose a nice, clear picture of you with a maximum of three other people.

Which one is you? Similar to our predicament with the tootsie pop, the world may never know. 

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: I want to be able to identify you easily from your profile picture, not play a confusing game of "Where’s Waldo" where you're probably not even wearing a brightly striped shirt…

6. A picture that matches the profile picture of your significant other/best friend/ sorority sister/ grandma.

See what I did there? 

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: I personally take the mindlessness of social media for granted. But if I have to intently study my newsfeed to determine if it's you or your boyfriend that posted/commented/liked something, then that mindlessness is lost. Encourage laziness. Be original.

7. A super far-away picture of you.

Is that me? You'll never know.
(HINT: If Cheetos aren't readily accessible, it's probably not me.)

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: Sure it might be cool blown up into normal size, but in the days of iPads and smartphones, your profile picture is probably tiny. The average person that doesn't have Spidey-vision is not going to know whether it is you in the picture or the bread-loving, always naked mess that is Miley Cyrus. And I'm guessing that's not what you want.

8. A poorly cropped picture.

We all know "Baby got back." No need to awkwardly highlight it.

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: Even if you totally love a picture, but you cannot crop it to comfortably fit your face and any of your friends' faces in that square-shaped profile picture frame, then it is not a good choice. Use it as your cover photo, or if that doesn't work just post it on your Newsfeed and "accidentally" tag your ex in it so you're sure he sees it. Problem solved. ;)

There you go! The art of the perfect profile picture is just to be classy, look like yourself and cut out distracting details.

What bad prof pics have you seen? Post it in the comments!

Much love!

Megan