As the new
year begins, people around the world have made their annual resolutions:
promises to themselves that during the new year they will do things better.
Popular resolutions involve things like losing weight and only eating lettuce
for the foreseeable future or using your time better and never getting on
Facebook again. But I recently heard that only 8% of people (or something) keep
their resolutions, and chances are, most people will have broken their resolutions
by the end of this week. I think that is primarily because people make
resolutions that are unrealistic and ridiculous.
Sure, for
the first few weeks you can make your best effort but after awhile your resolve
to lose weight will slip in the face of a delicious slice of cheesecake or a
fresh bag of cheetos. And it might be easy to avoid Facebook with the
excitement of the holidays upon you, but pretty soon you'll be stuck bored at a
stoplight or waiting in line at the store, and what else are you going to do
during those spare 2 minutes but update your status and virtually creep on your
400 closest friends?
And so, my
dear readers, that is when I offer you some alternative resolutions. Put aside
the traditional, overachieving goals, and instead take on some things that you
can really do, and some things that, in the end, will make this world a better
place.
- Ignore the serving size on packages of food
Everything we eat has that nagging little number on the back
that tells you how much you should eat. A half a cup of pasta or 2 tablespoons
of cheese dip. There is so much that is wrong with the idea of the serving
size. For one, who has a mental image of how much a half a cup or 2 tablespoons
is? I would imagine not many people do. Second, how dare some corporate company
tell me how many potato chips or how many oreos I should eat?! They don't know
me. They don't know how hungry or bored I am at that point. So, this year I vow
to ignore the serving size and eat what I want, when I want.
- Take more selfies
What social media- and really ALL- of the internet needs
right now is more spontaneous snapshots OF you taken BY you. Because when you
think you're looking good, the world deserves to see you too. Whether it's
during a car ride, while sitting in class, or on your way to the dentist, don't
be afraid to share your selfie with the world. And please, try to post some
song lyrics as a caption to make it more poignant. Or, if you still feel
pathetic and desperate posting pictures of yourself, you can always disguise it
with a clever caption like, "Ooh! Loving this cold weather!" or
"About to bake cookies!" or "Blonde hair, don't care!"
(whatever that means…).
- Devote more time to napping
I don't care what people say, everyone can appreciate a good
nap. When timed right and done instead of something that actually needs to be
accomplished, the nap can be a beautiful and valuable activity. So get on it,
people, and sleep more in this coming year. You'll be happier, and more
well-rested.
- Substitute dessert for real meals on a regular basis
Who needs actual food when you can survive on cake, cookies,
ice cream and pie?! Trust me, you will totally feel full after eating a meal
made solely of dessert and you'll be happier too.
- Wear clothes that feel as much like pajamas as possible
Why dress in clothes to impress other people when you can
dress in clothes that make you ready for a nap at any minute?! Not only will
this make resolution number three easier to accomplish, but you will also be a
much more relaxed and happy person. If the only reason you put on real pants is
to impress your friends, give it up! Your friends will probably admire your
willpower to do what's comfortable (at least to your face).
- Get distracted on the internet more often
The internet is both the procrastinator's best friend and
worst nightmare. Nothing else in the history of time has allowed you to spend
hours doing meaningless and time-wasting activities like viewing pictures of
cats and stalking your ex-boyfriend while feeling entertained, informed, and
productive simultaneously. So give into your urge to spend the next 2 hours
viewing buzzfeed articles that help you to relate to the rest of fat, lazy, and
over-privileged Americans by making this a resolution.
These are
just a few suggestions to inspire you to live your life to the fullest and make
resolutions that really can be followed. I myself have stuck to nearly all of
these so far this year, and so I have faith that you can too!
Best of
luck with your own resolutions,
Megan
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