Confessions of a Grammar Snob

1. I Google words to make sure I am spelling them right/using them in the correct context and syntax at least once a week

2. Sometimes I scroll through Facebook or Twitter not to read people's statuses, but to troll for grammar errors- and then promptly judge those who post them.

3. I said the sentence, "He's very handsome, but I couldn't marry him- his grasp of homonyms and homophones is practically non-existent!" just last week

4. In high school I purchased a $20 T-shirt that said, "To Infinitives and Beyond!" with a Grammar superhero on it and wore it to school on the only dress-down (uniform optional) day we had all year. (And I wonder why I was single in high school… honestly.)

5. Every time I see a misplaced apostrophe, turning something possessive that should not be, I lose a year off my life. And based on the current trend of apostrophe use in America, it looks like I only have 3-4 years left at this point.

6. The other day when I walked past Victoria's Secret I couldn't focus on the fact I was supposed to be criticizing the scantily clad women, I was too busy criticizing the sign that said "You've never seen body's like this" (There goes another year of my life, thanks to an apostrophe crisis)

7. I actually laugh at pictures like this: 
   
8. The comma is not just meaningless punctuation for me, the comma is my friend. I love them almost as much as I love Cheetos. Okay maybe that's a bit of hyperbole. But I do like commas. I even wrote a lengthy, satirical poem about them.
9. I know what hyperbole means. And I use it often, both the word and the figure of speech.
10. I subscribe to the Grammar Girl podcast, I have liked her Facebook page and followed her on Twitter, and I own multiple books she has written.
11.  When you use the word "literal" it makes me question your very existence… Did you literally die? Is this literally the worst thing ever? Are cheetos literally the only food you eat? There are other ways to exercise your powers of hyperbole. Consider them.
12. I've actually blocked people on Facebook, not because they were incredibly rude or annoying, but because their horribly misspelled, grammatically atrocious stream-of-consciousness statuses were raising my blood pressure. 
13. Last week I doodled "I love Strunk and White" all over my Mod Civ notes in class after my professor briefly mentioned Elements of Style. This is real life people. (Forget being single in high school… now I know why I'm STILL single…)
14. Every time I see an error in any sort of publication my cruel little heart skips a beat as I congratulate myself for catching the mistake and then I subsequently judge the publisher for such an oversight.
15. This picture is a fair representation of my life: 
    

Is there anything that you are especially pedantic about? Leave it in the comments! However, be warned, I'll be checking your grammar! 

Eight Profile Pictures You Should Be Ashamed Of

It's been a while since I've blogged, but I have a bit of writer's block. I just haven't been inspired by anything recently that would generate a post worthy of this website. But I'd hate to see my large fan club (i.e. my mother and cat) disappointed, so I pulled together another fabulous post about social media, because honestly at this point it's what I spend the better part of my waking hours indulging in. Forgive me if I repeat statements previously addressed in my other post, How to Use (the) Facebook: A Guide, but I just wanted to expand a little on the art of the profile picture for those who were unclear before.

As I may have mentioned, your Facebook profile picture is the first impression you make on people when they see your Facebook. It appears in little square icon form next to every post, every like, every comment you make. Your profile picture is basically your brand, and as such it is important that it is representative of the kind of image you hope to present to the world. And when your grandma, boss, best friend, and ex look at your profile picture, they should not be embarrassed, confused or alarmed, to say the least.

The following eight examples are really just a few of the profile picture mistakes I have seen in my four years on Facebook, but they are a good jumping off point to help you to make the right choice when it comes to your own profile picture.

I've included pictures in this post as well, because like they say, a picture can say a thousand words, and while I know I am capable of it, I feel that no one (even my mom or my cat) wants to read 10,000 words from me.

1. ANY picture where you're making the "duck face." Seriously, everyone knows what I'm talking about. It's like the classic middle school girl pose where you bug out your eyes and purse your lips together. Bonus points if you also make a peace sign with your fingers. I hear that the duck community is really supportive of all new age movements, so your picture will be a totally genuine representation of their kind.

Ducks everywhere are falling in love right now. But is that really your target audience?

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: Have you ever really admired anyone else's duck photo? Probably not. Is the duck face a face that you actually ever make in everyday life? Hopefully not. Is it ever attractive to look like any sort of avian creature? Definitely not.

2. A weird, artsy picture of yourself with 4 filters on it. You may scoff, but I've actually seen this done entirely too many times. Unless you really are an art major, just say no to the crooked picture of your ear blurred with a bluish light on it.

My mascara looks good, but that's about it. Because I am GREEN.

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: While I am staring at your ear trying to guess what the heck it even is, I am not thinking that this is a good representation of you. No one that looks at this thinks you're artistic or edgy- they just think you are confused.

3. A seductive picture of yourself "disguised" as an innocent profile picture. Guess what? No one is fooled. Writing "Happy Easter!" on that picture of you bending over and showing us what your momma gave you does not make me think of the celebration of Jesus' resurrection from the dead to save us from eternal damnation. It makes me think you are slightly desperate. And my roommate and I will definitely refer to you as "Easter Boobs" from this day forward. (True Story) The same goes for a picture of you standing with your shirt pulled up a little to reveal your side.

A proper caption to this would be, "Going to Work Out!" But NO.

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: I don't think that this picture is having the desired effect you were hoping for. Girls are just staring at it shaking their heads, and if you are getting attention from boys, it is not the right kind of attention. I am doubting that they like this picture for your personality, if you know what I mean... Keep it classy ladies.

4. A picture not of yourself. It's called FACEbook. FACE. That means a picture of your face. Or at least your body. Or at least you in some form. I understand the occasional random picture of your cat. Or your child (especially if it's cute, and you're old- everyone wants to see the kid anyways) If you are too ugly to have a half decent picture of yourself, then either severely photoshop one OR just get off of Facebook altogether. Sorry if this is harsh, but when I look at your profile picture and it's a tiger or a bag of cheetos, I am so confused.

I am not a tiger.

Or Cheetos. 

This is much better. Maybe distressing and not socially acceptable, but at least I'm in it.

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: You're not a tiger. Or cheetos. Enough said.

5. A group picture of you and 30 other people. That is what a cover photo is for. This is especially difficult when Facebook stalkers like myself are creeping, attempting to figure out which person is you in a tiny square of 35 faces. Help out a creeper, choose a nice, clear picture of you with a maximum of three other people.

Which one is you? Similar to our predicament with the tootsie pop, the world may never know. 

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: I want to be able to identify you easily from your profile picture, not play a confusing game of "Where’s Waldo" where you're probably not even wearing a brightly striped shirt…

6. A picture that matches the profile picture of your significant other/best friend/ sorority sister/ grandma.

See what I did there? 

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: I personally take the mindlessness of social media for granted. But if I have to intently study my newsfeed to determine if it's you or your boyfriend that posted/commented/liked something, then that mindlessness is lost. Encourage laziness. Be original.

7. A super far-away picture of you.

Is that me? You'll never know.
(HINT: If Cheetos aren't readily accessible, it's probably not me.)

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: Sure it might be cool blown up into normal size, but in the days of iPads and smartphones, your profile picture is probably tiny. The average person that doesn't have Spidey-vision is not going to know whether it is you in the picture or the bread-loving, always naked mess that is Miley Cyrus. And I'm guessing that's not what you want.

8. A poorly cropped picture.

We all know "Baby got back." No need to awkwardly highlight it.

WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA: Even if you totally love a picture, but you cannot crop it to comfortably fit your face and any of your friends' faces in that square-shaped profile picture frame, then it is not a good choice. Use it as your cover photo, or if that doesn't work just post it on your Newsfeed and "accidentally" tag your ex in it so you're sure he sees it. Problem solved. ;)

There you go! The art of the perfect profile picture is just to be classy, look like yourself and cut out distracting details.

What bad prof pics have you seen? Post it in the comments!

Much love!

Megan