Post-Grad Adventures- Tour My Apartment

I recently graduated from Grove City with a degree and everything! Since graduating, I have moved to Pittsburgh with my roomie Jess, gotten a pretty awesome job as a nanny and have begun exploring all that city living has to offer me.

One of my biggest time investments since moving in has been to work on our apartment. When we first moved in, it was pretty grimy and in need of a lot of TLC. But Jess and I saw potential, and we were pretty excited to make some changes.

This is 35 Waldorf, our perfect little home. :)

Before we moved in, we spent over 2 weeks of hard work cleaning and painting the whole apartment. It was really gross, so it took a lot of man power to get things done. 

Luckily we recruited some of my favorite manpower to help us. ;)

We painted the whole apartment using the world's cheapest rollers from the dollar store. Rookie mistake for sure. Although Jess still looks pretty happy!

For awhile all of our belongs sat in lovely little piles in the middle of all of our rooms.

So after getting all of the hard work done, and moving so many carloads of belongings and furniture from three different states, we graduated!

I don't think this picture even captures the level of excitement we felt. ;)

So after a month of hard work, countless trips up the two narrow flights of stairs, many late nights of Pinteresting, and a newfound love and appreciation of the power drill, Jess and I are pretty happy with how our apartment has turned out. 

This is my bedroom. I have wanted a white iron bedframe for as long as I can remember, so I jumped at the chance to get this one from Ikea. I also got the worlds nicest memory foam mattress topper, so basically I am glad I am gainfully employed, or I might never have a good enough reason to get out of bed in the morning. I got my bedspread for a steal at Marshalls. And the lights were $2 at an after-Christmas sale at Target. I may or may not have had to fight a lady for them. But that's an alleged story for another time. 

I put together this little "get ready station" with a mirror my mom bought me (which I love), a $2 Ikea shelf and this stool from Ikea as well, because if there is any hope of me being a pleasant person in the morning, I need a little time to get ready and collect my thoughts for the day. And as my mother would tell you, I might have a bit of a love of reflective surfaces. ;)

This is my desk, which I refinished myself, and my gallery wall, which I am rather proud of. It was quite the Pinterest project, but I made almost everything on it myself, with the exception of that really cool wooden map, which was a find at Michael's I couldn't refuse. 

My walk-in closet is almost as big as the rest of my room! So I took advantage with a lot of storage bins, and hanging closet organizers as well. Ikea, Target and Walmart were my best friends and I kept an eye out anytime clear plastic bins and drawers were on discount. 

Instead of buying a dresser to keep all of my clothes in, I used a bookshelf I already had combined with some of these collapsible storage bins from the dollar store. It actually works really well, and it keeps all of my clothes much more organized than they've ever been in a dresser. 

This is our living room. Jess is the master of thrifting furniture and getting great items from Goodwill. So the coffee table, and the side table were both purchases from Goodwill that Jess refurbished to match our entertainment center from Walmart. The loveseat was a hand-me-down from some family friends and the futon was a college purchase. The chair in the corner? IKEA of course! My favorite part of the room are the floating shelves that we store our glassware and wine on! It only took us 2 hours and 4 tries to hang them up, but they look pretty fabulous, in my opinion. 

This is Jess' room! If you look closely into her "corner" at the back of the room, you can see lots of great furniture she picked up from Goodwill and re-finished. She has a cool gold bookcase, and a white wicker hamper that goes perfectly in the room. Even her rug was a Goodwill find, she is such a great thrift shopper. If you look closely you can also see a really cool blue rolling cart she got at IKEA. 

This is her gallery wall! She especially loves her big clothespins, and I think the burlap with pictures on it is a great touch in the room.

My favorite part of Jess' room is her palette bed. We may or may not have allegedly stolen these palettes from an undisclosed location, but again, a story for a another time. She cleaned and sealed them and actually turned them into the base for her bed, which is pretty fabulous. She also painted the ocean painting above her bed. She's the artistic one for sure. :)

Here is our bathroom, pretty standard, but I do love the lamp and the shelves for extra storage that we picked up at (you guessed it!) IKEA. It adds so much storage to the room and fits pretty perfectly into the space. 

The last room I have to share is our kitchen! When we first saw the space, it was grimy and looked so small, but after we moved all of our furniture in, we discovered it was deceptively large! 

We have room for this table and four chairs, a gift from a family friend, and lots of natural light from these big windows. Jess is also particularly proud of her basil and cilantro plants on the windowsill which are coming along strong!

Some of my other favorite features in the room are the handmade mug wall Jess created, and this great kitchen cart from IKEA that provides lots of extra storage and cooking space. 

There wasn't a lot of storage in the built-in cabinets so the extra cart and shelving have been a life-saver for all of our dishes and supplies. 

We created our own pantry with shelving from IKEA and a laundry basket for all of our food storage containers. Our pantry shelves are organized with great wooden crates from Walmart. 

All in all, with our tight budgets we are pretty thrilled with how the space turned out and how we used all of the resources we had to save money while furnishing and decorating the space. I lucked out by having a very artistic roommate and an abundance of Pinterest ideas at my disposal. IKEA is definitely the MVP of our apartment, but we got lots of great finds from Walmart and Target as well.

The start of my post-grad life has been pretty great so far and I am really happy with my first little apartment all on my own. Stay tuned for (hopefully) more posts that are as totally riveting as this one. 

xx Megan 

Skinny > Kind

When did calling someone fat become more of an insult than calling someone a bitch? When did insulting someone's weight become more hurtful than calling someone selfish? Or greedy? Or vain? Why is it socially acceptable for people to be rude and self-serving, but God forbid they not look good in a bathing suit?

I have never been a "skinny" person. In fact, for a lot of my middle and high school years I was considerably overweight. But in the family I grew up in, being "fat" was never a reason to lose confidence, and being overweight wasn't an obstacle to reaching your full potential. So I grew up blissfully unaware that being smart, driven, independent, kind, loving, selfless, or hardworking wasn't as valuable in society as being "skinny."

All that changed when I went to college, and for the first time people around me didn't tiptoe around the fact I was overweight. In fact, for many of the girls I was around, talking about their bodily flaws was an all-consuming hobby, that they needed to devote more time to than classes. So with my eyes finally opened to what was really important- that is, being skinny- I realized just how far from bodily perfection I really was. When I looked in the mirror I didn't see my bright blue eyes anymore, I saw my fat thighs and my flabby arms. A confident smile could no longer distract from the love handles or the round belly. Being the overachiever that I was, I knew that meant I needed to change. So I worked my ass off (literally!) and lost 50 pounds my first year of college.

When I went home for breaks, everyone was astounded at how different I looked. People poured on the compliments. "Wow, you look so good! Does it feel nice to lose so much weight?" "Oh, Megan you're skinny now, how wonderful." "You look so different. It's great. You're so pretty now." But at that point it was too late. I didn't feel skinny, or pretty or better. I felt deluded. All these people I had trusted growing up were now affirming what I had learned to be true. It doesn't matter what's on the inside, unless you are pretty on the outside. I thought my confidence, and intelligence and hard work had been what mattered most, but when all we could talk about was my weight, those things didn't seem to matter.

All of these people were lovely and encouraging, but unfortunately it was not what I needed to hear. I needed to be pulled from the trap I had fallen in; the trap that made me reduce my entire self-worth to my dress size.

I hope if you're reading this, you're identifying with me. I hope you can see what society does, through marketing and media, how it feeds our deepest insecurities to get us to buy into the lie that what's on the outside is more important than what is on the inside. But mostly I hope that you wish this would change. I hope you desire a culture where being "fat" does not become the tragic flaw that being selfish or arrogant or rude should. I hope that when you look in the mirror you no longer stare at your outward flaws and wish to change them, but instead meditate on how your inward flaws can be changed. How you can use your unique personality to change a culture that is ruining a person's self-image before they're even fully developed.

There is nothing wrong with taking care of your body and making healthy choices. Those things are important too. But don't let that become your identity. If you're spending more time looking in the mirror than you are serving others, then it's time to re-evaluate. Love your body and focus on your soul. It's what's going to last, and it's what you're going to want to invest in. Don't be so worried about being "pretty" that you forget to be pretty kind, pretty smart, pretty funny, and pretty strong. In the end, that's the kind of person I want to spend time around, even if you're so "fat" and "ugly" we have to keep the lights dimmed. :)

66 Excuses to Skip the Gym

If you’re anything like me, going to the gym makes you want to crawl right back into bed. That awful sweaty feeling you get before, during and after you run jog walk briskly is not worth that supposed health benefits that nutritionists, and doctors, and skinny people claim it is. So, to my kindred spirits, I offer you the following: 66 excuses COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE AND VALID reasons to skip the gym:

1. I have a test tomorrow
2. I have a test next week
3. I had a test yesterday, and I need to recover mentally
4. I just really have a lot of reading (my Twitter feed… but who has to know the details?!)
5. I have to take a quiz (on Buzzfeed...)
6. It's too cold out to walk all the way to the gym
7. It's too hot out to walk all the way back from the gym
8. None of my cute workout clothes are clean
9. I just worked out yesterday, I need to rest my muscles… that's totally a real thing
10. I just worked out last week… don't want to break the cycle
11. I haven't worked out in a month, there's no point starting today
12. I just ate, my food needs to digest
13. I need to eat, can't work out on an empty stomach
14. I ate too much, I'm going to be too full… for the rest of the week
15. I already ate somewhat healthy today (disregard the cheeseburger at lunch and that bag of cheetos I just scarfed down) so it wouldn't be fair to my body to work out too!
16. I haven't eaten healthy at all today, I don't want all those fat calories to turn to under-quality muscle… that's totally a real thing too

17. I might sweat and I don't have time to shower

18. If I workout, I am just making more laundry for myself and clearly wasting money

19. I might miss catching my favorite TV show

20. I need to update my workout playlist first
21. I might miss a time of real productivity
22. I promised my friend I would go with her… I'll wait for her to text me
23. I'm having a good hair day… I can't let the gym mess that up!
24. I'm have a bad hair day… my obligatory gym selfie would look terrible!
25. I like having curves! I don't need to workout to feel good about myself. (although it might help me to walk up stairs without feeling breathless…)
26. I think I have a headache
27. I think I have a stomachache

28. I should really call my mom

29. I should really call my grandma
30. I already got in my pajamas so… that's a lot of effort
31. I was just about to get in my pajamas

32. I should probably do the dishes

33. Or take out the trash

34. Come to think of it, I haven't flossed in a while

35. I should definitely organize my DVD collection RIGHT NOW.
36. I should definitely check Pinterest for new workout ideas before I go

37. I have to feed my cat…

38. Oh wait… I have to get a cat so I can feed it
39. I bet cats wouldn't go to the gym, why should you succumb
40. I don't want to get so fit I become one of those people who brags about working out all the time on social media
41. I also don't want to be one of those fat people who talks about working out, and everyone is like, "Yeah, might want to find a new hobby, yours doesn't seem to be working for you…"
42. Did I say I should vacuum yet? Yeah… I should vaccuum.
43. My Netflix doesn't stream very well on the gym wifi

44. I think I lost one of my tennis shoes

45. I don't have good socks for the gym

46. My bangs don't pull up into a good "gym ponytail" right now

47. I should really catch up on my schoolwork

48. I should really catch up on my sleep
49. I should really catch up on the latest episode of New Girl

50. It's possible I have a pulled muscle
51. Or I could pull a muscle at the gym… no one wants that!
52. I need to renew my library books
53. But first I need to check out some library books so I have something to renew

54. Paul says to pray without ceasing and that starts now… step aside gym, I am PRAYING.
55. I can't fill up my Camelback because I don't have a filter for my Brita
56. I'm thirsty… don't want to be dehydrated at the gym
57. I have a meeting (in 4 hours) wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize my punctuality
58. I should check my email first

59. And probably my Twitter feed

60. And definitely Instagram

61. And while I'm at it, I might as well look at Facebook

62. I'm sortof bored er… depressed. I should definitely make some cookies to cheer myself up!

63. No point in going to the gym after I've eaten cookies… everyone knows that

64. I haven't exfoliated in a while. I should really get on that.

65. Did someone say "Taco Bell run?!"

66. Honestly, I have a blog post to write.

Live that fatty life!

Megan

Why Being Skinny is Overrated

So, I began today with a new goal to be skinny by summer break. Okay. Maybe not skinny, but really just able to fit into my jeans again (because my yoga pants are actually beginning to show some wear… and that is a struggle) and I would love the ability to climb a flight of stairs without having to disguise my heavy breathing with some well-timed yawns (come on, people, we've all been there). But seriously, after semi-failing at lunch and eating some chicken sandwich thing, and having the world's strangest salad with a lot of strange unidentifiable objects in it at dinner, I'm sitting here right now with the "food drawer" of my desk (yeah, it's a thing) opened, oogling the latest bag of cheetos that my sorority sisters bought me. (They completely feed my addiction, and I love them for it.)

It leads me to contemplate: is it really worth it? Is being skinny really that great, or is time to break out the bag of chocolate truffles I have hidden in my "teaching resources" box? See, I think the reality is: that just like blondes, curvy girls just have more fun, and here are 13 reasons why:

1.  You know that picture that says, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"? Well I beg to differ. Now I've never been skinny, but um, are you really telling me that it's as great as cheese fries, bacon, milkshakes, a delicious juicy cheeseburger or cookies straight out of the oven? Probs not.

2. There are some seriously hot curvy women. Um Marilyn Monroe is like America's sex symbol, and hello, BEYONCE. Just saying.

3. I have visibly witnessed people on diets literally drooling at the sight of pizza or other food that tastes good. Is that really so much more attractive then some healthy curves?!

4. One of my sorority sisters also made me this list of songs appreciating big butts. And if multiple genres of music have this kind of love for booties, then how can we argue?

5. No one wants to be that person who says they're not eating fries because they're on a diet, but then proceeds to steal fries off of everyone else's plate. Don't be a fry stealer.

6. There is nothing less fun than going to the gym just to run on the treadmill to nowhere or lift heavy pounds of metal just to set them right back down. I don't care what people say about "endorphins" or "science" just go casually observe people in the gym, and tell me if they look like they're having half as much fun as people eating ice cream right now.

7. If you never try to lose weight in the first place, then you never have to feel guilty for inevitably gaining it back.

8. And there's no such thing as a "cheat day" in your diet, because every day is filled with good food!

9. I know we were ignoring "science" earlier in number 6, but I think we can trust it when it says that men like curvy women! They actually prefer them for a bunch of reasons that you can google if you really want to. Yeah, that's right. The internet says so too, so girls you have it from at least two reliable sources.

10. Want to feel skinny? Buy a "skinny mirror," use photoshop, or just turn down the lights. INSTANT SKINNINESS. And you can eat a milkshake while do all that.

11. The phrase "fat and happy" exists for a reason, people.

12. So does the phrase "more to love."

13. During the time I've been working on this blog post, I have gone from "relatively hungry" to "starving" to "contemplating eating my arm" status. I blame salad. If I had eaten a cheeseburger for dinner, this would not have been a problem. Skinny people food is actually having the opposite affect it should have on me.

Honestly, there are probably more reasons but my nutrient-starved body really needs more real food to come up with them. But the bottom line is, being skinny is not all it's cracked up to be. I read recently, that nothing is sexier than a woman who is confident in her own skin–except a woman who is confident in her own skin AND would like an order of cheese fries. And I would absolutely support that truth.

Now excuse me while I go order some limited-edition Oreos off of Amazon that I spent half of a class searching for today while simultaneously scarfing down a bag of sour gummy worms. 

New Years Resolutions People Should Actually Make

As the new year begins, people around the world have made their annual resolutions: promises to themselves that during the new year they will do things better. Popular resolutions involve things like losing weight and only eating lettuce for the foreseeable future or using your time better and never getting on Facebook again. But I recently heard that only 8% of people (or something) keep their resolutions, and chances are, most people will have broken their resolutions by the end of this week. I think that is primarily because people make resolutions that are unrealistic and ridiculous.

Sure, for the first few weeks you can make your best effort but after awhile your resolve to lose weight will slip in the face of a delicious slice of cheesecake or a fresh bag of cheetos. And it might be easy to avoid Facebook with the excitement of the holidays upon you, but pretty soon you'll be stuck bored at a stoplight or waiting in line at the store, and what else are you going to do during those spare 2 minutes but update your status and virtually creep on your 400 closest friends?

And so, my dear readers, that is when I offer you some alternative resolutions. Put aside the traditional, overachieving goals, and instead take on some things that you can really do, and some things that, in the end, will make this world a better place.

1. Ignore the serving size on packages of food

Everything we eat has that nagging little number on the back that tells you how much you should eat. A half a cup of pasta or 2 tablespoons of cheese dip. There is so much that is wrong with the idea of the serving size. For one, who has a mental image of how much a half a cup or 2 tablespoons is? I would imagine not many people do. Second, how dare some corporate company tell me how many potato chips or how many oreos I should eat?! They don't know me. They don't know how hungry or bored I am at that point. So, this year I vow to ignore the serving size and eat what I want, when I want.

2. Take more selfies

What social media- and really ALL- of the internet needs right now is more spontaneous snapshots OF you taken BY you. Because when you think you're looking good, the world deserves to see you too. Whether it's during a car ride, while sitting in class, or on your way to the dentist, don't be afraid to share your selfie with the world. And please, try to post some song lyrics as a caption to make it more poignant. Or, if you still feel pathetic and desperate posting pictures of yourself, you can always disguise it with a clever caption like, "Ooh! Loving this cold weather!" or "About to bake cookies!" or "Blonde hair, don't care!" (whatever that means…).

3. Devote more time to napping

I don't care what people say, everyone can appreciate a good nap. When timed right and done instead of something that actually needs to be accomplished, the nap can be a beautiful and valuable activity. So get on it, people, and sleep more in this coming year. You'll be happier, and more well-rested.

4. Substitute dessert for real meals on a regular basis

Who needs actual food when you can survive on cake, cookies, ice cream and pie?! Trust me, you will totally feel full after eating a meal made solely of dessert and you'll be happier too.

5. Wear clothes that feel as much like pajamas as possible

Why dress in clothes to impress other people when you can dress in clothes that make you ready for a nap at any minute?! Not only will this make resolution number three easier to accomplish, but you will also be a much more relaxed and happy person. If the only reason you put on real pants is to impress your friends, give it up! Your friends will probably admire your willpower to do what's comfortable (at least to your face).

6. Get distracted on the internet more often

The internet is both the procrastinator's best friend and worst nightmare. Nothing else in the history of time has allowed you to spend hours doing meaningless and time-wasting activities like viewing pictures of cats and stalking your ex-boyfriend while feeling entertained, informed, and productive simultaneously. So give into your urge to spend the next 2 hours viewing buzzfeed articles that help you to relate to the rest of fat, lazy, and over-privileged Americans by making this a resolution.

These are just a few suggestions to inspire you to live your life to the fullest and make resolutions that really can be followed. I myself have stuck to nearly all of these so far this year, and so I have faith that you can too!

Best of luck with your own resolutions,

Megan

The Truth Behind Healthy Food

It is no secret to anyone who knows me that I am no health nut. I love eating, especially if there's a good trans fat present into my meal. Donuts are a staple to my diet, and I've determined that though a camera adds 10 pounds, a steady diet of cheetos adds 15. Much like a newborn infant, in order to keep me happy and stable, I realistically need a snack every 1-2 hours. So, the recent health craze to eat sugar-free, food dye-free, gluten-free, preservative-free and taste-free does not sit so well with me or my "cheeseburger a day keeps the doctor away" philosophy. Now, I understand that for many it is a necessary evil to cut out certain things from your diet, and I am sure (by some miracle) people can be convinced that their healthier options taste better, but I am here to tell you to WAKE UP PEOPLE. Healthy food does make you feel better, I will absolutely concede to that, but you cannot keep living the lie that it tastes better. This is what healthy food actually is:

Tea:

Now, I actually like drinking tea, and I think it is almost a necessary staple to being a teacher, but as one of my dear friends says, tea is really just some water with plants in it. And most of the time, that is exactly what it tastes like.

Lettuce:

I also enjoy an occasional salad as well, but the main staple of a typical salad is lettuce, which as we all know is just leaves that someone washed and put in the refrigerated section at the grocery store. Seriously, lettuce has no taste. Or nutritional value. So it's pretty much like eating crunchy green nothing.

Skim Milk:

There is no possible way that skim milk is actually milk. It does not taste like milk, it does not have the texture of milk, it is just water that someone put white food dye in and disguised as ridiculously overpriced milk. Stop living the lie, save yourself some money, and just put water on your Special K next time if it is really so important to you.

Celery:

For healthy people, celery is a delicious and crunchy snack. For people like me, celery is just the vehicle to get as much chocolate sauce or creamy peanut butter to my mouth as humanly possible. I would consider it physically painful to eat celery by itself. First of all, it just tastes awful. There is no way to delude yourself into thinking it's delicious. Second of all, by the time you are finally done chewing a piece of celery, you have actually burned more calories than you've consumed. That's just wrong.

Leeks:

I'm not gonna lie, I actually had to google these to determine what they actually were, but they look like a cross between onion and garlic, so these babies are no kissing food! Honestly, regardless of your current make out status, I wouldn't eat them. A food that has as weird of a name as "leek" is not asking to be consumed, trust me.

Kale:

Kale is just seaweed with a fancy name. Do we really want to be eating the weed of the sea? I'll leave this rhetorical question to speak for itself.

Mushrooms:

I know… mushrooms taste good, but in reality they are a fungus. Do you want to be eating a fungus? Normally people take medication to get rid of those, not spend exorbitant amounts of money to have pigs locate them! The logic just isn't there, folks.

Raisins:

Raisins are like the horrible, old, wrinkly grandma of the grape world. Except they lack all of the wisdom, fun stories, delicious cookies, and penchant for buying you things that actual grandmas have. So you're left with all of the gross and none of the fun. Yum.

Cauliflower:

The first time I ever had cauliflower I told my mom that it tasted like freezer-burned broccoli. And really, it does. Plus it is white, which takes away all of the personality that broccoli might have. So cauliflower is, in essence, the grosser, uglier version of broccoli. That's a bleak future.

Okra:

I have legitimately no idea what this is. But, it looks sortof like a cross between a pepper and a green bean. However, I have been informed that it tastes unfortunate. And bitter. And the internet tells me it's popular for its "mucilaginous" green pods. Mucilaginous?! That sounds like something you need a decongestant for. Ew.  And despite the fact it rhymes with Oprah, it has nothing in common with the powerful African American super-celebrity formerly based out of Chicago. So blah.

Quinoa:

Pronounced "keen-wah" I think this is a grain, but it looks like tiny fish eggs that have gone bad. So if that's not a promising description, I don't know what is. My school cafeteria serves this a lot, and so that's not promising either. I cannot offer personal experience eating this, because I have never been brave enough, but neither have the borderline anorexic girls in front of me in the cafeteria lines, so that is surely not promising.

This list is really only scraping the surface of revealing the ugly truth behind healthy foods. I've yet to touch on some of the classic rejects like Brussels sprouts or prunes, and I've strategically steered clear of popular favorites like Greek yogurt and hummus. But despite my abbreviated list, it is clear that healthy foods are just disguising themselves as something edible so that skinny people can feel better about their culinary decisions. Just say no, people. And eat some cheetos instead.

Have you seen behind the disguises of any other healthy foods? Share them in the comments!

Megan

How to seduce a man: An awkward girl's guide

After my posts about being single, I feel it's only fair for me to offer some advice to all you single ladies about how to alter that state of singleness and get the man of your dreams. We’ve all seen how I rolled in my awkward years after reading this post, so it can come as no surprise to you that my experience with men on a romantic level was virtually non-existent until I reached the age of eighteen. That's not to say I didn't nurse some pretty hard core crushes prior to my foray into the dating world, so that may have colored my opinions and advice when it comes to "seducing" men, but I'll leave that to you, my loyal fan base, to decide for yourselves.

Step One: Acquire Your Target

Before you do anything else, you need to find that man that makes your heart all aflutter with little love butterflies, or whatever that means. It's best if you choose a guy that has no clue you even exist on the planet, especially if he is seriously popular and/or more attractive than you. The more unattainable the better, and the less you know about him, the better. So what if you only saw him that one time waiting in line to pay for your cheetos? So what if the only time you ever see him is when you creep on him from behind the library shelves? This will just make your conquest all the more satisfying in the end.

Step Two: Gather Intel

After you've found your man, make sure you learn everything you possibly can about him. Begin with his Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and work your way from there. Don't actually friend request or follow him! God forbid he know that you exist before the time is right. You want to make sure that you are intimately acquainted with every small detail of his life before he realizes that you are a person. That way, upon your first encounter you will be able to ask creepy and overly detailed questions while he is just barely learning your name. You can say, "So, how's your brother doing in 11th grade? Is he still struggling in Calculus?" He can say, "What's your name again?" You can respond, "Your mother's wedding dress was gorgeous, do you think she still has it?" and he can answer "So do we go to the same school?" Perfection. But let's not get hasty and rush to the first meeting yet… we have several steps to go before that.

Step Three: Surveillance

After you have used social media, college records, and the social security database to determine as much as possible about your beloved (is it too soon to call him this? Probably not, after all you know more about him than most young married couples know about each other…) you should begin to observe him from a distance. Anyone worth their salt at this point will know his entire waking schedule, so this should be easy. Make sure to keep your distance, and keep from being seen. Hiding behind pillars, under benches and in bushes to avoid being seen is not too far out of the line of duty. Spend a good portion of each day observing him like this, and soon you'll be ready to make contact. Some people might call this "stalking" but I think they're overreacting. You are just being thorough, my dear, and there is no harm in that (and that is what you should tell law enforcement, should it ever come to that).

Step Four: Making Initial Contact

At this point, you should be ready to make direct contact with the target. You will have a good grasp on his hobbies, lifestyle habits, and daily routine so it should be a breeze to carefully plan your first meeting. No gesture is too outrageous at this point, after all, this is the man of your dreams! Make yourself pretty girl! Is wearing your prom dress going too far? Probably not! Is dressing up like his favorite TV show/book/movie character too much of a commitment? Not for true love! Throwing (large enough that we will wake up in a panic) rocks at his window in the middle of the night? Arriving at his dorm room with a huge stereo on your shoulder playing his favorite band? Completely normal. Totally realistic. You need to make this count, because trust me, after this initial meeting he will not be able to forget you.

Step Five: Attaining Regular Contact

If all goes well, after your first meeting, your man will not be able to stop thinking about you. But if you're worried that he might, you can always ensure that you will be constantly in this thoughts through frequent text messages (phone numbers are public record: that is fair game!), emails, long personalized poems in his mailbox, etc. The more frequent the better, don't let him forget you! You have worked for this, don't give up now! If he seems frustrated by your endeavors, don't be discouraged, he is just maintaining an air of manliness to keep you on your toes. Be relentless, be intentional, and soon he will fall for you too.

So there you have it ladies. A foolproof way to seduce a man. Don't thank me when this works successfully for you, it is my duty as a fellow female to help those in need. And gentlemen, if you're reading this, feel free to apply these same tactics! Women love a desperate man… it makes them feel desirable, and it is NOT AT ALL creepy. Conventional ways of pursuing the opposite sex are overused and overrated, this way is both stunning and unique. So have at it people, and I'll be expecting a wedding invitation as a thank you.

Megan

**Disclaimer** I am not in any way responsible for the results of your encounters with the opposite sex should you follow these instructions. By reading this, you agree to release me from liabilities following hereafter from your actions that may or may not have been directly influenced through this particular blog post.